you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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