we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
