Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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