I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
