Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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