I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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