New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
