I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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