I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize