Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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