Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sext me about skeletons
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
