She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
