I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
