btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
