You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
