This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
