I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
