I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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