At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
