there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
