After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
