I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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