I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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