Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
