what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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