Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
