I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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