umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
