I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
