You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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