I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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