happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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