is your mom at the bar?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
3pm strippers are depressing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
