Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
