Hey man sorry I got all grabby
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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