Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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