Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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