she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
