benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
