Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
whose parrot is this?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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