3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
