Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My breasts were aching with rage.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
