My hand turned me down
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
