So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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