When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
