you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
