Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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