we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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