I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
