Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
