What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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