i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
