i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
