So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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