she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
