honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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