I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
honey bunches of taint.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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