isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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