Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
