do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
