please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
