You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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