Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He felt like a one man threesome
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
