We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
