Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
