I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
