I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
