I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
