I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
