Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
