the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize